The Practice: Choice
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Daily Practice and Reflection:
To me, Frankl’s quote is the essence of mindfulness practice, the spaciousness to choose who and how it is we wish to be which ultimately points us towards growth and freedom. But prior to my own practice, I didn’t know I had a choice. I lived life rushing around, striving to get things done, often in reactive mode, being pushed and pulled by my experiences and often responding unskillfully, saying things I would later regret, feeling shame and guilt about my behavior. One thing for sure, this way of being certainly wasn’t leading me towards growth and freedom.
Much of the Buddha’s foundational teachings speak to choice, being present in our lives to discern which actions are skillful (onward leading, i.e. generosity, kindness, compassion, and wisdom) and those which are not (actions leading towards suffering, i.e. greed, aversion, and delusion). Through presence, we create space between stimulus and response, moving away from knee-jerk reactions, habitual ways of being and to recognize and discern the choices we make daily, understanding what is helpful rather than harmful, what causes ease rather than dis-ease.
Last month, I was sitting a silent retreat and one of the teachers simply stated, “You know you have a choice… a choice in whether you suffer or not.” And I thought to myself, is it really that simple?? And maybe it is but only if we are truly present, opening to whatever we are feeling, clearly seeing the truth of our experience, and this is where a daily meditation practice, sitting in stillness, helps.
As we sit, our level of sensitivity increases… and what we are becoming more sensitive to is harm. To clearly see and feel what causes harm in our lives… to ourselves and to others. And our sensitivity to subtlety moves us toward wisdom, building our capacity to make the next right choice, to take the next wise step towards our growth and freedom. As Yung Pueblo wrote, I knew I was on the right path when I started to feel peace where I used to feel tension.
So, can we practice mindful choice? I believe we can. We can choose connection over disconnection. We can choose inclusion rather exclusion, bless rather than blame. We can choose trust and faith over control and uncertainty. We can choose ways of being that lead to less tension and harm inwardly and outwardly. We can choose to be in relationship fully with our lives where there is nothing outside of practice. We can choose to trust ourselves, our capacity to respond wisely to unpredictable circumstances of life, and to respond kindly and compassionately rather than react habitually. And of course, we can choose love over fear.
“The choice to judge rather than to know is the cost of peace.”
“Every time I take a step in the direction of generosity, I know that I am moving from fear to love.”
Meditation Practice:
“Mindfulness is not only about paying attention and being aware but also about deciding where we put our attention.”
“The happiness you are seeking is not to be found in the flow of life, but in your attitude toward whatever life brings.”
“Although you may not always be able to avoid difficult situations, you can modify the extent to which you can suffer by how you choose to respond to the situation. ”
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
“Neurons that fire together wire together. Passing Mental States become lasting neuro traits.”