The Practice: Forgive Yourself
“Healing is bringing mercy and awareness into that which we have held in judgment and fear.”
Daily Practice and Reflection:
Oh, the practice of forgiveness?!? Growing up, I used to think forgiveness was an external gesture, something we did for someone else. Through time and experience, we come to see forgiveness as something we do for ourselves, a gift that we extend, and an essential part of healing. Forgiveness is a verb, an action that we can take and a practice that we all should get really good at. We need to forgive ourselves otherwise life is much too heavy, too isolating.
The one thing I desired most at the beginning of my path was to love and accept myself and this is impossible without forgiveness. We need to know how to clear out our hearts and mind when we do something unskillful, when we are overcome by shame, guilt, or regret. We need to recognize so much more can be learned from our mistakes than from our victories. We become wise by being unwise and forgiving ourselves many times over.
One of the most favorite quotes is “love is letting go of my idea of the way things should be.” This quote points us towards the act of forgiveness. Just think how much uneasiness, discomfort and anxiety is created by our attachment to how things should be? And the appropriate response is our letting go or at least loosening these beliefs even if just a bit. We engage in the transformational act of letting go all the wrongs we hold against ourselves, all the moments we believed we should have done better. And how many of these moments do we accumulate over our lifetime? How many times do we hold? Probably too many to count.
So, can we let go or at least let be? Can we gift ourselves the grace and compassion, the benefit of the doubt… rather than constantly judging ourselves for being human? Can we understand not just cognitively but embody the truth that we are engaged in continuous learning process? That our mistakes will continue but we can learn, grow, forgive, and do better. We engage in self-forgiveness for our own sanity and peace, knowing it to be a radical act of love and self-care. May we find peace within ourselves so we can be at peace with others, be at peace in our world together.
“Learning to forgive yourself is not about denying what happened or making it all better. It is about turning the light directly on the areas of painful regret and extending a loving hand to them.”
Meditation Practice:
“Suffering and its unwholesome causes are not to be escaped but to be confronted—and eventually transformed into wisdom and compassion.”
“You are already perfect, only you don’t know it. Learn to know yourself and you will discover wonders.”
“Forgiveness releases us from the power of fear and allows us to see kindly with a wise heart. . . . In any moment, we can learn to let go of hatred and fear and rest in peace and forgiveness—it’s never, ever too late.”
“Once we learn how to forgive, we can set ourselves free.”
“Pain is a plea for presence, a call for compassion.”
“By looking at our own old wounds, by identifying them, by being with them with compassion, we can all find healing and contribute to our world in a meaningful way.”