Day 13 Practice: 3 P’s
“Reminding myself that life is not personal, permanent, or perfect has kept me from falling into sinkholes of despair and destroying rooms with rage. It invites me to pause and turn inward.”
Ruth King’s practice of the three P's has been a transformational practice, helping change my experience and relationship to difficulties and setbacks. So, what are the three P’s?
1. Nothing is perfect
2. Nothing is permanent
3. Nothing is personal
First, how many of us are wired towards perfectionism? The constant pushing and striving for that which is often unattainable? And then consider the amount of anxiety, stress, and exhaustion created by this mentality. We must give up on harsh ideal of perfectionism and understand this universal truth of life ... that nothing is perfect, including our imperfectly perfect selves. And how much would thing shift if we could drop our anxiety of imperfection? Talking about lightening the load???
And the second P, another universal truth: nothing is permanent. Can we understand the ephemeral nature of life, that nothing lasts forever, everything is changing? And again, how much suffering is creating through our denial of this truth? How often do we rely upon things being permanent; relying on that which is unreliable; trusting on what does not last or is constantly changing? I think we all can certainly understand impermanence cognitively, but can we embody impermanence? Can we see the wisdom in knowing that change is constant, even the beauty of change?
And the final P: nothing is personal. For me, this may be the most transformational practice of all. The practice of not taking things personally; not taking the words, actions, or inactions of our loved ones to heart; not taking in all the expressions, expectations and assumptions; and not defining ourselves by the words and reactions of others. This third P points us towards a sense of spaciousness, a sense of freedom as we learn to be not so identified with the external, to be so identified with what we cannot control.
I often think Ruth King’s three P’s help bring us back to the present moment, back to our reality, our actual experience rather than getting lost in the mind made story, ruminating, and rumbling about for days (or more). So, I invite you to try this practice on for size in moments of uneasiness or contraction; put them to use when things tense and trying and see for yourself if it doesn’t help put things back into perspective and presence.
One last thought: Recently I was on retreat and was given another set of three P's by Phillip Moffit: Patience, Persistence, and Possibility. As previously stated, the first 3P's help bring more presence and perspective to the moment whereas these three P's may assist us in moving forward in a more skillful and helpful way…1) moving forward with patience 2) moving forward with persistence (and faith) and 3) moving forward opening to new possibilities.
May the practice of the P’s help you be more mindful and reframe your experience; changing how you relate and connect to yourself and others, possibility in a new and different way.
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”
“We can’t control what thoughts and emotions arise within us, nor can we control the universal truth that everything changes. But we can learn to step back and rest in the awareness of what’s happening. That awareness can be our refuge.”
“Perfection is the mountain that has no peak.”
“When we realized the fact that everything changes and find our composure in it, that is the fruition of practice.”
“Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible.”
“The universe is made up of experiences that are designed to burn out our reactivity, which is our attachment, our clinging; to pain, to pleasure, to fear, to all of it, And as long as there are places where we’re vulnerable, the universe will find ways to confront us with them. That’s the way the dance is designed.”
“Everything is always changing so when our happiness is built on materialism, it will not last; when our happiness is externalized or validated outwardly, it will not last.”
“Freedom and happiness are found in the flexibility and ease with which we move through change.”
“If you know how to make good use of the mud, you can grow beautiful lotuses. If you know how to make good use of suffering, you can produce happiness. We need some suffering to make happiness possible.”